Crap! What was the name of that cafe we would go to all the time?!

A realization, an epiphany, if you will, came to me today. I have never experienced this before - not knowing what I'll do next while not having or doing something already. As I was graduating from U of I, I already had the job at Accenture lined up, then after 5 years, I started Kingsway America right after quitting Accenture, and then I knew I was going to IESE. I guess it's not so uncommon to take a break, to take the time to figure out what you really want to do next and hold out for something really good. And many of us have done that already - for example, Haoy Maoy during the really good card playing days when we would go to...crap! what was the name of that cafe we would go to all the time!? I'm really losing it now. And then we would continue playing at Irim's after it closed. Those were the days - I was unstaffed for that crazy long period of 5 months living at Sameer's place, Haoy Maoy bartending, Kamen bartending, and Irim doing her usual thing.

So I won't freak out too much just yet. I still have time. I have money. I have a flat until mid-July. I WILL find something suitable for me!!!

Stress

How I sleep is a sure sign of whether or not I'm stressed. When I am nervous or anxious about something, I usually have a hard time sleeping, tossing and turning. It's usually the night before the first day of class or the night before the start of a new job or the night before finals. Now what does it mean if you sleep too much? Over the weekend I slept a good deal for me - I took a nap for 3 hours on Friday (yes, I partied and danced my ass off the night before at the BOW and woke up for my 8:15 and 9:45AM classes and had a delightful lunch outside in the sunny chiliness with a glass of wine) and then stayed in and slept 9 hours. Great sleep! Then Satuday night I saw an Irish classmate's cousin's band but instead of opting for more dancing and drinking on St. Paddy's Day (!) I missed the party van and headed home to get more sleep!

During the day I was busy getting in touch with contacts and looking for jobs. It was beautiful out but I cooped myself inside. On Sunday, I decided to meet a couple friends to watch 'The Departed' (which I really liked! I discovered that it's loosely based on a Hong Kong movie trilogy which I really liked!) and have some tapas and drinks. I didn't realize how stressed and freaked out I was that I have 2 more weeks of school left. It was a bit overwhelming that this wonderful MBA world was coming to an end. I'm not ready for it!!! After chatting to them about my life's anxieties as it helped that it was an IESE employee and school teacher I was with, I felt a lot better.

Two weeks to go and I have to...go to all my remaining classes (its so difficult to even sit through classes nowadays), finish my last speeches, exams, and group assignments, plan a 2 week trip with my parents to Paris and Italy (although it'll be great to see my folks, it's also a high source of stress if anyone read my Magic Carpet Ride entry from last year), plan a weekend trip in April, apply apply apply for jobs, talk to as many people as possible, plan for a trip when Jenny is visiting (whoo hoo!), plan to go to the MBA Olympics in Paris,...well, I guess I have '24' and sleep for avoidance of reality...

I'm trying to get in awesome shape so if I have to be completely clueless about life, I can at least look good. There's this awesome class that I've been obsessed with going to - G.A.P. which stands for "gluteos, abdominales, y piernas" or a.k.a. "butt, abs, and legs". These are usually the problem areas for women and I am no exception! My butt is killing me as I sit here writing!!!!....and at 1AM I am still up........hmmmmmmm.........

Peter Pan

I was reprimanded the other day. Rosa is an IESE alumn who works for one of the professors at school. She asked me if I had a job. I meekly replied that I didn't have one. "WHAT?! How can that be possible?!" she exclaimed. I told her that since January I applied to 3 positions and that it was difficult to find positions I am interested in. She shook her head, "No no no!! I am working in something very specific so it's more difficult for me. You should have a lot more options than I have!" She went on and on for a bit. I wanted to yell back at her and say, "Listen, lady! I know, I know! I'm a grown woman! I just haven't had the time or the focus because I had visitors, I've been travelling, the Doing Good Doing Well conference, Spring Fling....". I was about to say this when she said, "You are Peter Pan! You are a kid! You just don't want to grow up!"

Shit! I was dumbstruck! She was right! I did want to stay in my little bubble of a world. Don't get me wrong - I am definitely done with taking classes but I also didn't want to get a job. It was probably the fear of trying to figure out what I really want to do in life and where I wanted to move to and the thought of starting over again in a new city and not knowing many people. It is a clear sign of Procrastination 101 due to fear of the unknown. It was the kick in the ass that I really needed.

Friday - I cranked out 3 applications and last night I sent off 3 more. Let's hope I'll hear back from some of them!!! Although I want to stay in Europe, I realized that I can't limit myself and so I've also been applying to positions in the U.S. - mostly in California and one in New York. There was 1 or 2 jobs that look interesting in Chicago but I don't think I can bring myself to apply to them yet. No offense to Chicago because you know I LURVE Chicago but I've realized that there is something in my personality that gets bored easily and am always excited about new things and exploring. I guess I really am a little kid!! Just call me Peter Pan ;)